Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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