Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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