I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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