I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
