My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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