how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
