Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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