She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
two words: eviction party
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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