The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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