the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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