Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
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Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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