this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
