Pappa wants mamma naked
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
