Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
whose ass print is on the piano?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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