Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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