I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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