Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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