OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
