its not stalking. its research.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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