why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
