I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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