Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
