I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
my liver is dry heaving
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
