And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
