why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
