i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
