I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
4 words: hood of his car
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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