Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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