The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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