Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like a drive thru vagina
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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