I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
