it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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