You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
