and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
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So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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