She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
