capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
how drunk are you?
Several
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
