What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
