Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
