maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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