someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
