you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
