She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
