also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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