I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
