he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
