cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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