An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
