since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
