I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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