You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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