so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
