Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize