there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
