I got chris browned last night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
