Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
