Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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