found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
