Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you had me at cake vodka
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
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he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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