I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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