Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
