oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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