i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
