i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
