Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my sisters under your porch take her home
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
