He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
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You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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