Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
