friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
