The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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