Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
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all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
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Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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