im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
