call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
