Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
