I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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