Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
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I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
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His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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