I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
